deeply.dubbed

undeserving grace

Today I hit a car behind me as I was pulling out of a parking spot. Since I was in a strip mall, I was going to just leave the scene. But the owner of the car was still in it and the old lady came yelling out with her cane and all.

“Don’t you run!” she yelled.

I gulped and answered, “Yeah, I hit you by accident. How much do you want?”

When I bumped her, I knew the right thing to do was get out and do the right thing. But no, my first thought was to run off even though I just got out of church. I knew it was not a big damage so my reasoning was that it was no big deal. But God was not going to let me miss the point here. I could’ve run even when the old lady came out of her car. But I decided to obey the voice in my head. I came out of my car fully prepared to argue that her car stuck out too much so there wasn’t enough room for me to back out. Or that the damage on her car wasn’t even from me. Blah blah blah. But in that moment, God said “really? seriously? is the penalty so bad you would choose to do the wrong thing? what are you afraid of?” And in that moment I was ready to pay whatever the old lady asked.

I almost failed the test today. I never want to ignore the right choice under ANY circumstance. It’s not that doing the right thing is right. I’m not that good to really care that much. When push comes to shove, I go into self protection mode. The only real motivation for me to deny my flesh is having a relationship with God. I don’t want anything to get in the way of that. I can’t change who I am, the change has to come from the Spirit. It has to be genuine. I’m not genuinely holy. I’m genuinely selfish. I will not genuinely do the right thing always. However, I genuinely want an amazing relationship with my Father. Because I’ve known it to be amazing and I can’t go back to having none of it.

God, doesn’t love the future holy me. He loves me NOW, as I am TODAY. He loves the me who was going to run off. Yeah. THIS is what makes God amazing for me. THIS is what Jesus made possible for me. And nothing can rob me of that.

The old lady inspected her car, and said, “nothing, you got a little scratch, and my bumper was already damaged enough.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I just didn’t want you to run off.”

“Ok… thanks.”

"As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God."

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."

"The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes did not have tears."

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."